Mary’s Review

Oh, honey. What are you gonna do with that? Fuck my toe? Maybe we could put some vasoline between my pinky toe and the next one and you could go to town. That should satisfy your foot fetish, while also finding a size appropriate place to put that pathetic little thing, eh?

Sweetheart, I don’t even know what to rate here. Size? Width? Hell…does it get hard? What happens then? It goes from a pencil eraser to a crayon? Dude, that ain’t even a jumbo crayon.

So, let’s think this through. I’m almost positive that there isn’t even enough dick there to even reach inside my pussy, so what in the fuck do we do with it? My boobs are way to big to be titty fucked by it (not to mention that does NOTHING for me), and I do believe that my lips are bigger than that silly little thing. Wait! I might have an idea! Can you roll your hips? Practice for me, Ari. There could be hope for that puny little peter, yet. Ya know that motion that you make with your tongue when your eating my pussy and your concentrating on my clit? If you could do that same thing with your itty bitty dick, then it just might do something for me. If you work with your fingers simultaneously, we MIGHT be on to something.

I usually find it only polite to give some scenarios as to how I would use and abuse a dick, but I’m struggling to come up with anything for you, Ari. It isn’t even substantial enough to put in my ass. Maybe I should’ve been serious about the toe fucking. I am certain that I could give that little bastard the blow job of the century because I do some amazing suck work on a big cock. I am insanely positive that I could get your entire dick in my mouth without even having to cover my teeth with my lips.

Enough about you, though, Ari. What are you gonna do for me? Clearly nothing with your peanut sized cock. So, let’s say I take a few good licks of it, then run my tongue up and down (is there enough surface area for that? 🤔) it until it pathetically throbs and begs for the release of cuming, even to the point of where I let you cum with your pitiful little pecker on my face, what then, Ari? You better have some badass finger and tongue moves. Are you opposed to dildos? I have a great strap on that could gladly be used as a substitute for your little pinky dick.

Ari? I have no fucking idea how to justify the rate I’m about to give you, but fuck it. 2:5. 1 point for having the balls to send a picture of your pinky pecker in, and 2) cause minus the peanut dick, you’re kinda cute. Maybe I’m just giving away pity points……

Mary

Holly’s Review

What. The. Hell. Is. That????? -5. Do you hear me? NEGATIVE 5. Off the charts. Ridiculous. Do you have a birth defect? Have you had your dick surgically altered? Was it accidentally cut off in a car wreck? Or maybe you got it stuck in some slut’s pussy and they had to cut part of it off to get it out? I bet you can’t even have pets. A dog might mistake it for a Vienna Sausage and accidentally eat it.

That literally looks like a mushroom sitting on a tennis ball. I wonder if your balls would fit inside my pussy too? That might help it stay up in there. Your balls could almost be used like a pussy plug, to keep it up in there…..because I’m not gonna lie. If you get it hard enough to reach inside my pussy at all, the first time you try to thrust, that little bitch is coming out. How good is your aim? Can you hit the hole over and over? Or are you gonna miss a time or two? That’s fucking frustrating, even with a regular dick. And sometimes, it hurts when a dick misses! Of course, that’s doubtful in your case. I don’t think your mini dick would make a dent.

So, in the pic where your pinching the head, and kinda stretching it out? That illustrates very clearly that not only is it short as fuck, but it’s thin. I’m not sure that girth would help your cause considering how short your cock is, but it couldn’t hurt.

Tone and texture look nice, though. Your itty bitty little dick has good color, and it isn’t ugly’d up with weird veins or bumps. Also, you manscape nicely. I appreciate that. Have you thought about a career in porn? Don’t laugh. I’m thinking you could be a novelty- Puny Pecker Porks Patty, or some such nonsense. You really should make that little bastard work for you. What a shitty deal in life. At least declare war on it and reclaim some of your dignity. You’re not a hideous dude. I bet you could make a living that way.

I’m still giving you a -5. There are just no words 😶

Holly

Bailey’s Review

That looks like the tastiest lollipop I’ve ever seen!!! Is it strawberry flavored? Based on the color of your pubic hair, I’m guessing it’s strawberry flavored!

About that strawberry flavored cock of yours? I am rating you 3.5/5. I really like cute cocks. I like to lick them, and kiss them, and name them things like George, or Pete, or Ernie. I think yours looks like an Ernie. Let’s take an in depth look up and down Ernie, shall we?

Your pubic hair is super cute! So you’re a blonde? So am I! I’m a true blonde, not a ginger or strawberry blonde, but close enough. My small sliver of pubic hair is also blonde. It’s pineapple flavored. If you’re a good boy, I’ll let you lick it to see. And while you’re licking my pineapple pussy, I’m going to run my hand between your legs to get a feel for those balls I can’t really see in your picture. Then I’m going to run my hand up the shaft of your super hard cock- but keep licking! How many licks does it take to get to the center??? As my hand slides up and down your hard, throbbing cock, I’m sure I will notice the smoothness of your shaft. It’s so smooth, that I might be able to feel the throb pulsing inside your super hard cock. You know the one? It begs for you to give in and let go, and blow cum all day over my gorgeous ass sitting on your chest while you keep licking? When I reach the top of your shaft, I’ll notice that your cute little cock head is very nicely placed on the end of the shaft. It’s center, squared off, and without overlap. That might not be a good thing, though. Sometimes that clear separation of a mushroom style cock head can be a good teaser for my g spot, or my clit. The bigger the head, the better it’s going to feel when you rub it round and round on my clit, just before you enter my soft, wet, tunnel of absolute ecstasy. Ernie doesn’t have a dominant head. No points for this.

Ernie, does, however, have an interesting crook in his that almost constitutes an “S” curve. I’ve never ridden an S curve like that unless it was on a motorcycle. I wonder what that would feel like? Would it touch and tickle one side, then the other? Or would it create the feeling that your cock is much wider than it actually is, making me stretch to take it all in? And making me feel so very, very tight for your cute little, S shaped Ernie? Can you vibrate like the Harley that took me down the S curves, Aaron? Hehe!

Bai

Cassandra’s Review

What a cute little butt plug! And perfectly placed! It could plug my asshole without even trying while you thrust your cock in and out of my tight, wet pussy! I love ass action! Wait….where is your cock? Why can’t I see it? Is the butt plug attached to you? Is it growing off of you? Is that an extra mini me? Where’s Dr Evil?

Oh shit. That is Dr Evil.

Um. Well……..

What if I fuck you? Do you make a good bitch? You must’ve had lots of practice being made a bitch with a shitty little dick like that. I bet I could make a great bitch out of you 😈. By the time I’m done training you, you would fetch, lick, suck, finger fuck, take a beating, wear an ass whooping, and even walk funny from the cucumber sized dildo that I would put in your ass, over and over. Of course, there would be rewards in it for you, you teeny little cockless fucker. If you followed your orders just right, I might let you fuck me with that sickly little thing. It’s gonna take a performance on your part, though. Your going to have to use your tongue for HOURS, and make me cum over and over and over, all while your naked body gets absolutely zero attention from me. I don’t even give a damn if I do ask for a break. You get nothing, bitch. Nothing. And if you can manage hours upon end of that, without restraint or complaint, just maybe…..maybe, I might let you stick your little bitty cock in my sugary sweet pussy. I would tell you how tight it is, but babe? I don’t think anything other than maybe a pinky ring is going to feel tight around that little dick.

If you follow orders and curl your fingers just perfectly into my sweet g spot on the front wall of my pretty little pussy, then maybe…..just maybe, I’ll let you run your little cock in and out of my pussy a few times. Maybe.

Unfortunately, even if your the best bitch ever, I’m never going to let you slide that useless little cock of yours in and out of my solid gold cunt enough times for you to cum. You will never feel the bliss of my lips around it, running up and down your feeble little cock until it throbs deep down into your balls. You will NEVER get to cum period- not inside of me, not on me, not in my face, not in my ass- nowhere. After your bitch ass serves me, you can just go jerk that pious little fucker off.

0. I give you 0 of 5. Pathetic. Puny. Embarrassing.

Cassie

Vivianna’s Review

There is no possible way that you truly, deeply enjoy being humiliated for having such a small dick. I get that you’ve had to adapt to the shock and disbelief that is written across the faces of partners during potential sexual encounters to protect your own feelings from the humiliation, but I can’t make myself believe that you genuinely get off on the humiliation. I give you mega credit for owning the fact that you have a teensie weensie cock, though. 👊I’m going to give you a point for that.

Now let’s talk about specifics—-your dick is super short and super thin. It’s so small, in fact, that I don’t think there’s any way to salvage use of it. There’s no position that optimizes it, no pill that makes it harder, thus slightly bigger, and probably not even any kind of cock accessory (like a cock ring) to make it more noticeable. So….we gotta think outside the box. You’re going to have to be fucking amazing with your tongue, and have the art of clit flicking down pat. If you can master how to lick my clit, probably while simultaneously caressing inside my pussy with a few fingers, then there might not be a need for you tiny little dick. If you can master the curl of your fingers to just the right spot inside my hot, wet pussy, at just the right time to stimulate my g spot and send me spiraling into the orgasm abyss, I genuinely might not give a shit if I can’t feel your little dick sliding in and out of me after the fact. This reminds me, let’s talk foreplay-

It is not a cop out when women say that they are sexually motivated by things like back rubs, light, caressing touches, and laundry. We are. If I walk in to discover that you’ve finished my laundry for me, then you begin to rub my super stiff neck, followed by some light fingertip strokes down my neck, to my back, and maybe even then up the insides of the sensitive parts of my legs, I could be so turned on by that time that all your minuscule little cock has to do is exist. Women aren’t visually motivated. The look of your cock does very little for us. It really is how you use what you have, and in your case, that’s going to have to include other attributes besides your little bitty dick. I am well aware that you asked for a dick rate, and not relationship and dating advice, but in order for your dick to see any action whatsoever, I think were gonna have to go there. It’s your only hope.

Maybe if you painted a smiley face on your dick every morning? Or what about a Prince Albert piercing? Your little tiny cock needs some distinctive marking. It has good color, and appears to be smooth, which are all good things, it’s just super duper, unbelievably small. Even though I think this might be the smallest little cock I’ve ever seen in my life, I can’t bring myself to write it completely off, so I’m going to give you a 1/5, which is not completely off the chart of fuckability. As long as that little bitty dick isn’t the only thing you’ve got going for you, you could get lucky occasionally. I might be able to be coerced into letting you put that tiny dick in my mouth, and I might even wrap my lips around it and suck it like a straw. I could possibly be conned into letting you try it out in my soft, warm pussy just to see if I could feel it. And if that didn’t work, I might be be talked into trying some kinky shit- all because I noticed that you have a very cute face, a nice flat stomach, and are very well groomed. If you have even an iota of charm to you, and you can make me laugh, I think I would probably fuck ya, mini-cock and all.

Viv