Mary’s Review

Oh sweetie, if you think you can get anywhere in life with a skinny, ugly dick like that, then think again! That has got to be the skinniest dick I have ever seen in my life and I never want to see that pathetic thing you call a dick again! It’s more like an ugly pencil sitting between your legs with a huge, ugly sac of shit behind it. Talk about not wanting a short dick man….well, yeah, honey, put that thing away, or yes, go get neutered! No one wants to see that small of a dick, unless it’s to have a great laugh! There is no way in hell I’d go anywhere near that! I mean, how in the world can we even find it in that fleshy mess that you have down there, dude?! You have way too much floppy fat going on down in those pants! Puuuhleeease! You’ve got to be kidding yourself if you think that ugly, tiny little stump is attractive! Getting a mouth full of an ugly dick is not my idea of a fun night and that’s all I’d get! Yuck! An ugly dick is the worst! So awful and gross! You will never be successful at pleasing a woman with a limp dick like that! Are you trying to remain celibate the rest of your life? No one wants to deal with that pathetic little dick, especially when you can barely see it hiding with that ugly ball sac! It looks like a tiny turtle head trying to poke its way out of its hole. And don’t get me started on your ball sack. Jeez, it’s pretty sad when it’s uglier than your actual dick! It looks like your balls are all shriveled like an old man’s, leaving your skinny dick to rot in the gutter! You should lock that dick up in a cage where it belongs and leave it there for the rest of your life! I don’t even know how you have sex with yourself, needless to say, another woman! I mean, how on earth could she even feel that enter her? Oh wait, she couldn’t because your big hairy ball sack is in the way and won’t let your dick even go in! Perhaps she could offer you her belly button as a hole tiny enough to fit your teensy tiny dick inside! OMG, I  can’t even imagine going on a date with you, then taking you home, only to be surprised with having to try to find your dick hiding somewhere. I  wouldn’t even know what to do with that or how to have sex with that mini wee wee. What do you want me to do? Take it between my two fingers and jerk it between my finger tips until a tiny blob of useless cum shoots out? How does that pleasure me at all? Yeah, it doesn’t!I I’d probably get more pleasure out of laughing my ass off when you took your pants off! I’d have to call in your best friend who is a real man with a real dick to fuck me instead since your dick is useless! Sorry, loser, you get a low rating here! 0.5/5 stars

Mary

Tyler’s Review

Aww, what a cute little dick! Cute, not in a good way! Who wants a cute dick? Not any woman that I know! Cute dicks are for loser boys. Loser boys who will never, ever know how to please a woman because that’s exactly what you are…a boy with a little loser dick! Definitely not a dick worthy of ever seeing the presence of a beautiful woman who wants a real man with a real dick! How could that tiny little peanut ever please a pussy? It can’t even be big enough to make its way into a pussy! If you were in front of me, I’d be laughing hysterically at the pathetic little present you have hiding in your pants! I can barely even find it because it’s so small and hidden amongst all that fat! What’s up with that?  And let me tell you, not having a good length or girth only works against you, my dear. Don’t you know that small, ugly dicks scare most women away? We don’t know what to do with ugly, small dicks at all. Also, you look a little furry down there and that’s so unattractive! You’re supposed to have a nice clean ball sack and base of your dick to make your tiny dick look bigger….if that’s even possible with that pathetic thing in your pants! Duh, the least you can do is help yourself out and shave that huge ball sack and around the base of that thing you call your dick. You know what your dick looks like? One of those pigs in a blanket hors d’oeuvres at the parties I go to. That’s how skinny and pathetic it is. Just big enough to fit into a tiny little bun wrapped around it and with one bite, it’s gone. I don’t know who would even want to put that in their mouth, though! It would be like sucking on a little hairy thumb! Gross! I hope that you take my advice and never, ever show your dick to any woman. Yes, it deserves to be neutered and put away! I    guess since your dick can’t really do anything for me, I’ll go recruit my much sexier next door neighbor to come bang me in the way that I want. Bang me with a big, thick, long cock like I    deserve. Then you can watch and see how a real man fucks a woman! You’d be better off joining a convent and hiding out as a monk so no woman will ever have to be embarrassed for you when you open your pants to show them the little thing that you have buried in there. She’d have to take out a magnifying glass just to figure out where it is! Then if she did find it, how would she have sex with you? There is no way that skinny thing is making a pussy feel good, so I guess you’d have to settle for a suck off with some ball playing, but I doubt I’d want to get my mouth anywhere near those hairy balls! All I can say is you better have some other really good skills if you ever want to please a woman in the way she deserves. With that skinny little shrimp dick, she will be needing a lot more attention than from your tiny dick. Do the world a favor and keep your pants on! 1/5 stars

Ty